Category Archives: Humor

New Walking Dead Bad Lip Reading Features Rapping Carl Grimes

So I recently showed a Bad Lip Reading classic – the one with The Walking Dead and the Governor’s “La-Bibbida-Bibba-Dum” – but now they’ve got a new one out that’s absolutely wonderful. If you didn’t think it was possible to follow up the musical success of “La-Bibbida-Bibba-Dum,” then get ready for “Carl Poppa.”

There is some great dialogue dubbing – I love Tyrese talking to Lizzie and Mika, who are speaking gibberish. But the main event of this video is “Carl Poppa,” a sort of The Walking Dead rap video featuring Carl Grimes (Chandler Riggs) rapping to his unconscious father Rick. And once the credits hit, be sure to stick around – you’ll be treated to a bit more of the song, including one of my favorite lines, “try to step to me/hit you in the femur/with another femur that is lyin’ on the ground.”

The song is also available as a full-length track (4:38, a lot considering we probably get a solid 60 seconds of it in the video) on iTunes, for the price of .99 cents. So go grab it, and if you like, you can even pick up “La-Bibbida-Bibba-Dum” while you’re there!

Download “Carl Poppa” on iTunes.

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15 Awesome Zombie Tattoos

So my lady friend sends me cool pictures she finds pretty regularly, and seems to find a lot of great tattoo images. A zombie one she sent me recently inspired me to find some cool ones to collect in a post on here. There’s one I’m thinking about getting myself – see if you can guess which one!

I’m posting it as a photo gallery up top – just click on an image to open the gallery, and you can click through and read the captions that way. I’m not sure how mobile friendly that is though, so it’s also just scrollable as a post below the gallery. I give you two choices of how to browse!

1. Weird Face Back Thing

I’m not sure how best to describe this one, but I do know this…the artist who did it was almost surely underpaid. Because it’s a very fine piece of work! There is such a range in tattoo quality, but this one is definitely on the top end.

weird face zombie tattoo

 

2. The Walking Dead Zombie (I think)

I’m pretty sure this image is from The Walking Dead. Because I write a zombie blog, I come across this image a lot. The ink is pretty true to the original image.

the walking dead zombie tattoo

 

3. Forever In Debt to BRAINS

It’s hard to tell, but the zombies in this tattoo kinda look like grunge dudes. Doesn’t that top one kinda look like Kurt? I’m like 99% satisfied that’s Kurt Cobain.

black ink side zombie tattoo

 

 

4. Scary Stories Zombie Tattoo

Now this one I’m certain about. This from Stephen Gammell’s Scary Stories series. It’s based on this image. Remember “How That Dead Man Danced”? Very cool ink idea!

scary stories zombie tattoo

 

5. Rob Zombie Tattoo

While not technically an actual zombie, I’d say that this living dead man certainly counts enough to be included on this list.

rob  zombie tattoo

 

6. Marilyn Monroe Zombie Tattoo

People like tattoos of celebrity zombies. This is something I found when researching this post. Turns out that people really like tats of zombie Marilyn. A lot of dead celebrities have conspiracy theories surrounding them – mostly relating to faking their deaths. Elvis is still alive. Kurt Cobain is still alive. Tupac is still alive. I wonder why it’s so appealing for some folks to think that Marilyn is dead…only, walking dead?

marilyn monroe  zombie tattoo

 

7. Another Marilyn Tattoo

This very different version is included to back up my point that people seem to love the concept of a zombie Marilyn Monroe. Hey wait…Halloween costume idea!

marilyn monroe  zombie tattoo

 

8. Artistic Zombie Girl Leg Tattoo

Rather than being an image of something specific, this is just a really great image of a zombie girl. It’s got my favorite kind of zombie eyes, too – the ones that look almost human. So much scarier to think of being aware of one’s state of living death!

girl face leg  zombie tattoo

 

9. Kyra Schon / Night of the Living Dead Tattoo

For those of you guessing, I hate to give it away, but scroll to the top of my site. Yes, this is the one I’m thinking of getting. It’s the iconic image of Kyra Schon as the little zombie girl in Night of the Living Dead. Such a timeless image, and a great tattoo idea.

night of the living dead zombie tattoo

 

10. Homer Simpson Zombie Tattoo

Sometimes you just want to get an image of a zombie Homer Simpson tattooed on the top of your foot. Hey, I’m not here to judge. I think tattoos like this are hybrid ideas…someone who said “I love the Simpsons, and I love zombies. How could I make that one tattoo?”

homer simpson zombie tattoo

 

11. Zombie Hug

I can’t be entirely certain that these are meant to be zombie hands, but the way they seem to be bursting out of his shoulders implies something monstrous. Either way, it’s extremely well done.

hands  zombie tattoo

 

12. A Normal Human Child

This one is based on a bit of Deviant Art. I know, because I borrowed it to insert into the window of an abandoned building I photographed for my Instagram account. I love that not only do I see tattoos of zombies from TV and movies, but from great art by independent artists like this.

spooky girl face zombie tattoo

 

13. Zombie Cheerleader Tattoo

This is another one I have used on Instagram. It’s from a painting, but I’m not sure what the source is.

green face girl zombie tattoo

 

14. Deviant Art Again

This I also recognize from Deviant Art, and once again is one I have used on Instagram. It’s from Chad Michael Ward’s work.

creepy scary zombie tattoo

 

15. Zombie Belle

What I love about this tattoo is one little detail. The zombie Belle is alright, but I super love that Chip, the teacup in her hands, is also a zombie. Perhaps in this zombie Disney universe, it was a zombie bite that caused the chip?

belle disney zombie tattoo

 

That’s it for the zombie tattoo pictures. If you’re thinking about getting some ink done, I hope this post has managed to inspire you! And if you do go out and get a sweet undead tat put on you, please share the pictures with me!

 

My Niece: Zombie Hunter?

Ready for the cute? I was digging through some pictures on my PC to find pics of last year’s Halloween decorations. As you might imagine, my decorations tend to lean toward the walking dead variety, and the last two years I’ve had some decent displays. I havent located them yet, but I did find this picture that I thought my readers here on the Hoard would like.

baby zombie killer

I caught my niece in this perfect action pose not too long ago, legs bent, arms out, like she was ready to start roundhouse kicking some baddies. I made several other pictures in this series, but obviously this was the most appropriate for this blog. So here’s my baby niece getting ready to take out all the zombies from the Dead Rising publicity photo shoot. Sorry – it was just too cute not to share!

Bad Lip Reading: The Walking Dead

If you are a fan of AMC’s The Walking Dead, and have somehow never seen this video, your life is all about to get a whole lot better.

The folks at Bad Lip Reading do a lot of funny videos, mostly of popular music videos, adding lyrics that are often nonsense, but make just a little bit of sense. They do this with TV shows sometimes too, and the one they did with TWD is fantastic. Wait till you get to the musical number at the end…just make sure you’re not drinking anything when the Governor starts singing!

Great Moments in Zombie Comedy

5. Return of the Living Dead

Holy crap is it hard to pick a favorite moment in Return of the Living Dead, especially when it comes to comedy. That’s why this list is going to include this movie twice. First is this scene that I totally love from Return of the Living Dead. Some of the funniest parts of this movie are the most horrific, because of how the characters react with an almost cartoonish terror. The way these people react to this unkillable dead man could best be described as OMGWTFBBQSAUCE. And it’s hilarious.

4. Shaun of the Dead

After exhausting their basket of junk by throwing it at the zombies’ heads, the heroes of Shaun of the Dead ascertain that vinyl records, when thrown correctly, can do some damage. In this scene, they go through Shaun’s record collection, deciding which ones are bad enough to be used as ammunition.

3. Dawn of the Dead (remake)

Living your life holed up in a mall can get a little boring. For entertainment, the characters in this movie take a little break to blow off some steam by heading to the roof and playing a game. The game? Tell the guy across the street a celebrity, and watch him shoot the zombie that most resembles that celebrity with his sniper rifle.

2. Return of the Living Dead

Another one from Return of the Living Dead. This whole sequence is great – characters run around freaking out as they try to make the funeral home safe, while a very 80’s movie song about the living dead plays. The bit I’m showing in the video above is where we see a zombie snacking on the EMT’s who showed up a few minutes before, who famously requests via the ambulance radio “send…more…paramedics!”

1. Braindead (aka Dead Alive)

Any time zombie comedy is mentioned (which, okay, probably isn’t that often), this movie has to come up. It’s a dark comedy, sort of in the vein of Rami’s Evil Dead flicks. And this is the most famous scene. In it, the hero has a lawnmower strapped to his chest, which he uses to walk through a room of zombies and literally “mow” them down. It’s gruesome, but manages to make that rare and difficult transition from gruesome to hilarious.

Guy Loses It Playing Zombie Game

Kinda rated mature…language in video is NSFW.

I stumbled onto this video of a dude playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent. I haven’t played it myself, and I’m not sure it’s a zombie game perse, but it appears to be. His reaction to this survival horror game is hilarious. His accent, moderate command of the English language, and totally freaked out manner makes this a really fun watch. He’s basically just running, hiding, and swearing the whole time.

Daryl Dixon’s Crossbow on Amazon

Daryl Dixon is known not just for his badassery, but for his signature weapon. But just what is that weapon?  A crossbow, obviously, but which one? Well, Men’s Health was kind enough to confirm this for us in an interview with Norman Reedus. As a lot of fans had already figured out, Daryl’s been rocking a Stryker Strike Zone. But only for the last few seasons.

daryl dixon crossbow

For the first couple of seasons, prior to his bad ass hair cut and leather jacket, he was wielding the Horton Scout HD 125.

daryl dixon crossbow

It’s available on Amazon, and at Wal-Mart for $320.84. So if you’re a superfan with a ton of cash, you could pick one up. Or if you’re a hunter that prefers crossbows, it might be worth considering. After all, according to the reviews, Daryl really likes it.

daryl dixon crossbow review

 

If, however you are a walker or walker sympathizer, you might think twice about purchasing it.

daryl dixon crossbow review

 

So You’ve Raised the Dead

I’m not here to judge. I don’t know how you raised the dead, and frankly I don’t care. The fact is, though, that you did it, and now we’ve got a real mess on our hands. Undead monsters are beginning to prowl the streets, overwhelming local police forces and threatening our entire civilization. Will humanity emerge successful from the battle ahead? We’re going to leave that to the military. Because you’re not here for tips on how to stop the zombie threat. You’re here to figure out how you can avoid getting blamed for it.

I’m going to give you some strategies for avoiding or shifting the blame, or failing that, weaseling your way out of some survivor lynch mob’s bad graces. You might want to take notes; chances are whatever you’re reading this on won’t be working in the next few days.

1. LIE

Whoever said “honesty is the best policy” never had to face an angry world after inciting a full on zombie Armageddon. If you find yourself in that unfortunate position (and I don’t know why you’d go looking for an article like this otherwise), your first and best defense is going to be the classic Bart Simpson: “I didn’t do it.”

Seems legit.

The good news here is that it should be pretty easy. Hell, you might have more trouble convincing someone that you did cause the end of the world. Who the hell are you, right? Unless you’re a mad scientist, a Voodoo priestess of some renown, or an irresponsible toxic waste disposal worker, who would even believe you?

You won’t have to lay it on too thick here. In fact, don’t; you’ll only raise suspicion if you do. If for some reason someone asks you, you can give an incredulous “who, me?” Chances are though all you’ll have to do is not tell people that you did it, and unless there were witnesses, no one will ever be the wiser.

2. SHIFTING BLAME TO WITNESSES

Alright, so someone saw you do it. Calm down. It’s not the end of the world. Well, I mean it is, but you know what I mean. This doesn’t mean you’re out of luck for avoiding trouble.

First, how many people saw you? Was there just one witness? That’s easy. Start an immediate smear campaign. Get right out of there and start telling everyone that the person who saw you do it was actually to blame. First impressions mean the world, and first accusations are the same way. The first person to be blamed for a crime is probably the one who is going to be arrested for it. The last thing you want is to respond to someone else’s allegations by pointing the finger back at them. Then you just look desperate to pass the buck.

“No, seriously!  He’s like…a witch or something!”

If there were a couple of witnesses, you can still blame them as long as you get out in front of it. No reason they can’t be in cahoots, right? As long as you get the word out first, you should still be able to avoid blame. They’ll back each other up, but if they’re in cahoots, everyone will be expecting that anyway.

More than two witnesses and it’s going to start getting hard to blame the bystanders. You’re going to have to go for more of a weaseling approach for this one.

3. WEASELING

The weasel is a rodent known for it’s talent for escape artistry. I said I’m not judging you here, so I’m by no means making any statement about your rodent-like nature. But I’m saying that, for your sake, I hope you identify as order rodentia.

With my army of the walking dead I shall rule the world!”

To get out of this one, you’re going to need a hell of an excuse. Let’s go over some common ones:

Rough Childhood: Did your parents not love you enough? Too much maybe? Were you forced to eat vegetables every day? Knowing your audience is key here. An older lynch mob is less likely to care about those spankings; anyone who’s been around a lot of kids knows you probably deserved it. Younger crowds are more likely to sympathize with how you were made to do your homework and play outside for hours at a time. Let them know just how bad you had it, and weave your way into an excuse.

“And I was only allowed three hours of video games a day!”  “You poor, wretched soul!”

 

Zombie Reverence: If that doesn’t look like it’s going to work, then take advantage of your accusers’ political correctness. No one wants to look prejudiced, so turn blaming you into an act of discrimination.

Example: “Where I come from, we’re raised to believe zombies were noble creatures.”

I love zombies patch

The “I Heart Zombies” patch might help sell this one.

Example 2: “The only reason I raised the dead was to teach us all a little more about our humanity. Are we any better than these poor, undead wretches?”

zombies were people too mug

Have a “Zombies Were People Too Mug” in hand to drive the point home.

Booze: If all else fails, try the classic excuse for major screw ups — “I was drunk.” Chances are everyone pointing the finger at you has been drunk enough to raise the dead at some point, and while they might not like what you did, they’ll have to empathize with the reason.
wine bottle glass

Grab a wine bottle glass and tell them you only had one glass of wine.  The joke might save your life.

4. RUN

If they’re not buying what you’re selling, you may have to start literally ducking. Before you even start with your excuses, know where your nearest exits are. As soon as it looks like they’re not going for it, bolt for that exit.

zombie crime scene tape

Note: Zombie crime scene tape = Not an exit.

There are a few things that can help you here. If you somehow have time to scout the area ahead of time, knowing the best way to escape quickly and spectacularly is ideal (example: jumping through a window into an alley behind a pillow factory). This will give your pursuers pause, and by the time they recover from the momentary shock, you’ll already be climbing out of the pillows and running down the street.

If you don’t have time to scout the place out beforehand, you’ll want a distraction. While in many cases the ole “hey, look over there!” trick isn’t going to work, in the case of a zombie apocalypse it just might. The ole “oh my God, here they come!” is a lot more effective with a crowd that knows for a fact that there are monsters in the area.

“Uh huh.  And let me guess…they’re right behind me, right?  Suuuure.”

If you do manage to get away, you’ll want to get out of the city as fast as possible. Just avoid the main roads and you should be fine. Everyone should have their hands a little too full with the whole end-of-the-world thing to bother with stopping you. And chances are your accusers will all be dead soon. So you should be off the hook.If you do get caught, well, they’re probably going to kill you for what you did. And shouldn’t they? I mean you caused the apocalypse. Way to go, dick. You’ve got it coming.

Stop ending the world, you jerk.